Stage 15: “What is in the Bag?”

The most annoying part of this trip, by far, is all the questions I get about Bottle Boy.  I carry him in a big black bag that I wheel around.  Every other person I pass asks me something – the problem is that I don’t speak French so I have no way to respond to them.

I learned the French word for mascot, which conveniently is “mascot”, but when I respond to their questions by saying “mascot” it just invites more questions.  Then, when I don’t respond I come off looking like a jerk.

"What's in that bag???"

So, after some trial and error I’ve come up with a workable solution.  When anyone asks me about the bottle I just say something totally unintelligible but that sounds French.  They get very confused and think I misspoke, but by the time they realize it, I’m gone.  It’s also a ton of fun to say things in a crazy French accent that arent’ actually French but sound like they should be.

Here are some of the responses I’ve used when people ask me what is in the costume:

“D’Giorno!”   – yes, the name of the frozen pizza.  It sounds great with a dramatic French accent.  Plus it cracks me up that I am telling people that I am carrying around a bunch of frozen pizzas and they have no idea what I am talking about)

Bobali!! – not as good as D’Giorno, but it continues with my pizza theme.

McMuffin!

Vidal Sasson! – try it with a French accent, it sounds great!

Barbizon! – yes the modeling school.

McFlurry! – continuing with the McDonalds theme.  For some reason anything with a “Mc” before it sounds great.

Boisons! – this is actually the French word for “beverage” but I say it with a thick Midwestern accent so it sounds totally unintelligible.

I could go on for a while here, but I’m sure you are getting the point.  Yes, we have A LOT of time on our hands!

Back to the stage.  It was a flat day today so we parked along the only cat 3 climb.  I heard I got on for a split second, which was nice.  We also ran into a bunch of British guys, one of whom was pretty interested in being Bottle Boy next year.  That would be great – 3 years is plenty for me and having someone relatively local would save a lot on flights and shipping costs.

We saw this stairway near where we parked. And I thought running with Bottle Boy was dangerous!

  1. Anne Reply
    Dave - a suggestion for next year: make a bunch of signs (some done when you are sober, some done when you aren't lol). On the sign write the answers you want to give for "The Question." I've done this in 2 situations - I used to do craft fairs & tired of answering the same stupid questions for 30 hrs over 3 days, so would answer as I wanted on the final day. Example: are these man made? no, woman made; are these hand-made? No, I used only my feet; what kind of wood are these made from? the kind that comes from trees. (you get my (snow) drift? -- other vendors who were by me looked forward to Sundays, as they would remotely get their revenge by thru my answers LOL). Other situation, more serious: I am disabled and over the years have had a wide array of assistive devices, including some with hinges that looked like something out of Total Recall. People would ask -- or just stare -- so I had cards made up with the answer to "what happened?", "is it contagious?!? and "how long?" For your purposes, you could go to the local UC campus to get a student to translate for you & make a sign in French telling about the costume, the product and -- most important -- how to buy the bottle for their own use! (Not just for athletes anymore!!); make signs in French, Spanish, Italian and maybe German (I can help with the latter). This way you are ready, you are giving info and selling at the same time. And on last day in the mountains? Use the alternate pack that have real answers but tone isn't as professional -- and no sales will come from those!! LOL Good Luck!!! -anne

Leave a Reply

*